Salem, Mass. —
“So this is Christmas” as I am composing this column. Christmas morning with music playing, the tree bursting with lights, my cats curled under the tree and my husband and I looking forward to the holiday feast that awaits us at my younger brother’s house in Ipswich.
Yet, mixed in with my joy is a pain that only gains strength during the Christmas season; a pain that I endure daily, yet it is a pain that my family struggles with due to our losses. We’ve lost our sons, brothers, husbands, uncles, fathers and friends, who are dearly missed each day.
I, who was once the middle child, am now the oldest child with only two out of my five brothers left. However, my family is not the only one that has endured the loss of a loved one by suicide.
The word suicide is formed like homicide, the prefix sui- is from the Latin for oneself. To some suicide and homicide may just be words, yet to my family they have a meaning that I pray nobody ever experiences.
The experience started for my family in 1991 when one of my oldest brothers was murdered. The shock of a 28-year-old son, brother, uncle, husband and new dad being stabbed and thrown onto a cold sidewalk to die just left us all devastated.
Then the nightmare of losing another family member occurred in 2004 when my brother Guy was found dead, we assume by natural causes, and alone in his apartment by my brother Mark and my mother.
Well, the nightmare was to haunt us once again when in 2007 my “Irish twin” Mark decided that life was too much to handle and took his own life while looking at a picture of his daughter and son. I, who was once the middle child, am now the oldest child with only two out of my five brothers left. However, my family is not the only one that has endured the loss of a loved one by suicide.
John L. McIntosh, PhD, conducted a study for the American Association of Suicidology and concluded that suicide is the 11th cause of death nationally with the average of one person every 15.2 minutes killed themselves in 2007.
It’s a loss that is caused by too many reasons to list, yet here are a few: Feeling that things will never get “better,” divorce or breakup, losing custody of a child or children, a serious or terminal illness, chronic physical or emotional pain, being victimized in any way, legal issues either civil or criminal, a mental disorder such as bipolar or depression, feeling trapped in a situation that is perceived as negative, or even the loss of a loved one.
These, as I mentioned, are just some of the whys pertaining to suicide, yet as a survivor you are left many times with unanswered questions and grief.
As to signs of impending suicide, here also are just a few: Appearing sad or depressed, talking or writing about death, withdrawal from family and friends, extreme mood swings, losing interest in daily activities, changes in sleeping and eating habits, drug or alcohol abuse, or even poor school or work performance.
So as the “winter blues” mix in with the joy of the holidays I hope that 2011 is a healthy, happy and good year for everyone; as Tiny Tim exclaimed, “God bless us, every one!”
Guy Eric Dempsey, Wayne Allen Dempsey, Mark William Callahan...R.I.P. Love you ALL forever in my heart...XOXOXOXOXO
ReplyDeleteGretchen Callahan
ReplyDeleteAnother great article mom. I hope that your article helps someone before it's too late. Suicide scars all of the many people around you, even if you don't realize how many people actually do love you!
you just never know what someone is dealing with. Then throw a holiday in there
ReplyDeleteYea that is just what someone who is depresed needs . Ray
You made me sad , I had no idea. My heart goes out to you and your family.from Ray
My mother is the "Rugged Cross" just like in the George Bennard's Hymn 1913...so strong so strong...
ReplyDeleteOn a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suff’ring and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain.
Refrain:
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.
Oh, that old rugged cross, so despised by the world,
Has a wondrous attraction for me;
For the dear Lamb of God left His glory above
To bear it to dark Calvary.
In that old rugged cross, stained with blood so divine,
A wondrous beauty I see,
For ’twas on that old cross Jesus suffered and died,
To pardon and sanctify me.
To the old rugged cross I will ever be true;
Its shame and reproach gladly bear;
Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away,
Where His glory forever I’ll share.